Christmas was very different, not just because Mam wasn't there but also because the whole family were together - something that hasn't happened in years....since my eldest nephew was a child (sadly he and his wife couldn't be with us because baby Isabelle had to be kept away from colds, in this case mine :( ).
But today I started a New Year that would never be marked by Mam....no dates with her on the calendar to remember, stuff like that. Dad came for lunch. But not Mam.
It's been 5 & 1/2 weeks now.....where has that time gone?! I've been mostly ok - I love and miss my Mam so much but I know it's not the end and I'll see her again :) Yes, I've cried, not boatloads, but always unexpected and at the most inconvenient of moments (I walked home from town snivelling and snotting before Christmas; thankfully it was dark & I didn't see anybody!!). But even Jesus cried at the tomb of Lazarus, even though He knew He was going to see him again!!! So ya see, it really is ok :)
I looked at the pics on my phone tonight. Lots of Mam, some from before she went into hospital too, with Georgina after her first day at her new school. Then pics of her in hospital, on her own, with me and her other visitors, laughing & smiling, in the care home, videos; a continuous thread running through the other events pictured - Roald Dahl day, Pog's birthday, Dad's 80th birthday, cat sitting,Children in Need, strange ice cream, Pog's science model, Hartlepotz, a wedding, friends etc etc you get my drift. And then a group of us at the bottom of the church steps after the celebration of Mam's life. We hadn't all been together for many years, possibly as far back as our 6th form days!! We were regretfully missing a friend - she too had gone home earlier in the year.
Then it goes onto friends, decorations, party, church nativity, presents, Christmas, girlie night, Dad, New Year.........................but no Mam.
Jeremiah 31:13
New International Version (NIV)
".......I will turn their mourning into gladness;
I will give them comfort and joy instead of sorrow."
I will give them comfort and joy instead of sorrow."
God is good :)
I KNOW that Mam is happy, I'm just going to miss her a while, that's all :) she's where her soul has longed to be........
:) Xxx
