I keep having mini melt downs...latest one being tonight. Good job God gave me a sense of humour & an amazing ability to bounce back!!! It's been the first one in ages.....but I want to start with what brought it to an end, because the mini md was really nothing in comparison.
I hadn't even finished closing the front door behind me when Daughter was zooming in for a cuddle. There was a need. That need, painful as it was, led to a very late night for us, but we're both in a better frame of mind than we were 9.30 ish this evening.....make that last night.
God has been telling me for a long time to get my priorities right. Tonight I blew it. I did something I KNEW I shouldn't do, but did it anyway. I resentfully attended a meeting after a very hard weekend (good church tho :-) ) followed by a 6.30 wake up on Monday to let Daughter's school friend in (but that's another story and all to do with the weekend). Work started 8.15am & didn't finish until 6.15pm - one of my people had a deadline to meet - and I only took 2 x 15 min breaks. I had a meeting that night, Anyway, it was the recommended minimum. Daughter made her own tea while I cracked on.
There was no time to do the jobs I needed to do by the time I'd fed myself. I'd see to those when I came back.
I heard Norman's voice as clear as day telling me that I HAD to prioritise Daughter & if that meant missing a meeting then so be it. So why did I go?!!! Because I thought for some unknown reason that it was going to be thin on the ground & didn't want to let anyone down. As I write this, I see myself when I was around 9, so not a very little girl, being held back, sobbing for Mam not to go out, to stay at home with me. Why? I wasn't being left on my own. I wasn't in any danger. I was with people who loved & cared for me (well, most of the time - I was the youngest of 3 girls!!). I just wanted my Mam.
Whilst Daughter is older than this & can't wait for me to go out, she still needed time with her Mam. And I needed time with her. We had lost our weekend time together due to events. But you know what, I thought I was using it as an excuse to 'shirk my duty' cos I'd had a busy day & was tired...
So I went. Not in the best of moods - torn, tired & testy. And had a mini md at the end. I marvel at our hostess so much - she's in the same circs as me - she lives with her daughter at home, & works in an office upstairs. I'll have to ask her how she does it.......(in fact I did, and she's working it out & coming to tell me on Wednesday!).
So I bimble into the house, practically falling over distressed Daughter, and embark on a time of talking about what had been going on in my absence, sharing, reciting stuff that we like - her from songs, me from the Bible or Word for Today. We listened for a while to the words that make our own individual worlds to go round. We encouraged one another & ourselves.We cried a little bit.
I had worshipped in her room that afternoon. Something I can't remember going out of my way to do before. I've been tidying up there & started praying & worshipping. But this afternoon was different. During one of my 15 min breaks I had 'God I Look to You' on my phone & was worshipping over situations & stuff when I felt compelled to go into the room and worshipped & prayed over it.
Was I preparing the way for Him tonight? Maybe, who knows. All I DO know is that God is good, and He turned up.
My beautiful Daughter made some very brave decisions tonight. She's decided to face her problems rather than turning in on herself or bricking herself in some more. She's looking at the wall that she's been building up around herself for so long with different eyes Funny that particular analogy has come to me - earlier I was envisioning Christians singing walls down all over the world with the words of the song.
I've had a Psalm like day - winding up to a melt down followed by a peak of praise :-)
that song.....
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CR5IoWH9OiI
and for Daughter xxx
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Hi-VMxT6fc
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